Thursday, October 23, 2008
Long Time No Talk
Me: Hi, Blog. How are you?
Blog: Ok, I guess. I feel like we haven’t talked in forever.
Me: I know. I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me.
Blog: Forgive you? You get to travel the country and celebrate your birthday and stuff, and I am not even invited. You didn’t even send me a postcard from New York.
Me: You’re right. I thought about you a lot in New York though. I kept wanting to write to you, but the timing just didn’t seem right. There was a street fair, you you know, and I went and saw an interesting show about sex called, Spring Awakening. I kept meaning to tell you about it, but ultimately, I realized that, with the exception of the incongruous musical numbers, it was pretty depressing. I knew you were feeling neglected already, and I didn’t want to depress you, too.
Blog: Ok. I guess I can appreciate that, but you should at least check in now and again. I worry sometimes. I live on the Internet, you know. There are all sorts of crazy stories on the internet. Sometimes my imagination gets the best of me.
Me: I hear you. I am sorry. Do you want me to tell you a little about where I was and what I was doing so you can feel better that I was safe?
Blog: Yeah. I guess so. You know, I don’t get out much.
Me: Sure. I understand. Well, The Mister and I had to go to his hometown for his baby sister’s wedding. She’s twenty-one.
Blog: Ouch! Isn’t that a bit young to get married?
Me: We thought so, but she was saving her virginity for her future husband, and she couldn’t wait any longer.
Blog: Holy crap! People still do that? See, that is the kind of zany stuff I read about on the Internet. It keeps me up at night, but I had convinced myself it was a myth. Like yetis.
Me: Sorry to burst your bubble. I know the real world can be scary.
Blog: You’re tellin’ me, Sister!
Me: Anyway, we knew we would be depressed if we just visited The Mister’s family, so we planned some non-Christian fun as well. We started off in New Hampshire where we visited our friends Brian and Suki, you know, the OhMiBod people.
Blog: Oh right! They seemed so cool when you told me about them.
Me: They are super cool, and we enjoyed visiting with them and picking apples in the picturesque New Hampshire fall. It was idyllic.
Blog: See? Why did you leave me out of this?
Me: You are right, I should have been in communication. I was just having so much fun.
Blog: That must be nice for you. Never mind that I was left alone to surf porn for hours. Days. Weeks.
Me: I hope you took notes. Maybe you can fill me in later. Anyway, after our visit with Brian and Suki, we drove up to The Mister’s family in upstate New York. Really, I can’t get over the whole fall colors thing. It’s not like I’d never seen them before. It’s just that they are new and beautiful every time. They make life so crispy and vivid. Sorry I only took mental images.
Blog: Yeah. See if I share any porn adventure pictures with you!
Me: Ok, ok, calm down. I will work on taking more pictures to share with you. I promise. The highlight of our Upstate New York visit was getting to meet The Mister’s friend from high school. They were reunited by the miracle that is Facebook a little while ago after not being in touch for over fourteen years. It was pretty cool to watch them catch up and to hear stories of my hubby’s youthful shenanigans.
The wedding itself was pretty uneventful. I guess I should be happy that I didn’t have to go to the rehearsal dinner and that I wasn’t asked to wear a peach bridesmaid dress, but I admit I was a little hurt. Weird, right?
Blog: Wait. Did you say peach bridesmaid dress? I thought they stopped making those circa 1989.
Me: Yeah. Me, too. To be fair, now it’s called “spice.”
Blog: You’re feeling bad that you didn’t get to wear one because…..????
Me: I know it’s silly. I have never been a bridesmaid, and we flew so far. Ok. Whatever. I will stop with the whiny girl antics now. I am over it. I just had to tell you about the spice. It was the spiciest part of the visit.
After the wedding, we drove down to NYC. I love that place. I lived there for six
months about eleven years ago. It is amazing to me how much I remember and how
familiar it is to me. I think it is one of my favorite places in this country.
Blog: Don’t rub it in. I am stuck here, remember? What do you want me to do, Wiki it?
Me: Hey, chill out! I am telling you about it so you can share the experience.
Blog: [deep breath]
Me: Thank you. I told you, we went to see Spring Awakening. It was alright. I always enjoy going to see a live show. The kids in it were really talented. I just wasn’t connected to it emotionally. It was depressing, but I was unmoved. Simulated stage sex, though. That’s always fun. To be honest, I think I was a simulated stage sex virgin. I can’t remember having seen that before. I gotta get out and see more performance art.
Blog: So far your experience in NYC is sounding like what I do all day by myself on the Internet.
Me: That’s simulated?
Blog: Errr, well. Sometimes. Depends on whether I mess with the parental controls.
Me: Anyway, we went to another show called Desir. It was much cooler than I expected. There were many talented aerial dancers, and it was a treat to see them work up close in a very intimate setting. There was also a cat, a high-wire-walking cat. It seemed kinda random, but I am not one to complain about felines, even when they don’t integrate with the rest of what’s going on.
Oh, we also went to the exhibit, Bodies. It is made up of real human bodies. The Mister and I were both fascinated by seeing all of the systems of the body. It was pretty darn amazing. I am happy to have a body.
Blog: There you go, rubbing it in again.
Me: Sorry. I forgot my audience. Oh, you know who else we saw? Jamye Waxman.
Blog: Jamye Waxman? She’s so cool! I link to her, you know.
Me: Yeah. I know. She was really inspiring. You’ll be happy to know that she encouraged me to write to you more often.
Blog: I knew that chick was smart.
Me: Super smart, and super nice. I am glad to know her. So I have been back for about a week now. I got wrapped up in celebrating my birthday.
Blog: Birthday? Do I get a birthday?
Me: You do, actually. In a few months. Sharing cake with you through the computer doesn't seem to work so well. We’ll have to find some other way to celebrate.
Blog: I’d like that.
Me: My birthday was wonderfully fun. I shopped and sewed and danced with some of my favorite people. I will try and share some pictures with you within the next week or so.
Blog: Finally, I am getting in on the action!
Me: My dear, Blog, I did miss you. I will try to keep you posted in the future.
Blog: Thanks. I appreciate it. I am glad we had this little chat.
Me: Me, too. I will talk to you soon. Thanks for listening.
Blog: That’s why I’m here. And don’t you forget it!Labels: rant, travel
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 2:34 PM
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Pocket Protector
I have to admit that I am the Girl Scout type. Yes, I love the cookies, but, more importantly, I try to always "be prepared." In high school this meant carrying everything from Band-Aids to Silly Putty in my purse -- the Band-Aids to help with physical ailments, the Silly Putty to cheer-up, distract, or entertain anyone who needed it (including me).
On any given day, I am still equipped with Band-Aids, safety pins, dental floss, and Kleenex. But since high school, I have traded-in my Silly Putty for a more grown-up diversion. JimmyJane, known for its upscale vibrators and other sexy accouterments, has created the Indulgences Pocket Pleasure Set for Girl Scouts just like me. This cute and classy little pocket pack ignites the imagination while putting safety first. Scouts' honor!
When I first opened the sturdy plastic box, I was surprised by all the goodies stashed inside. As a girl who loves miniatures (I still can't use a single serving of coffee creamer without thinking how it makes a perfect Barbie waste basket), I first had to marvel at the cuteness of it all. In this box, that is less than an inch thick, the JimmyJane folks managed to stuff two condoms, lube, a feather tickler, a mini waterproof vibe, and (my favorite) a shiny Love Decoder that helps inspire the placement of kisses and other tokens of affection.
True to their designer style and thoughtful innovation, JimmyJane didn't skimp on the goodies in this box. I like to think of it as a complete package that starts with foreplay and has you "covered" all along the trail of passion. Each component builds upon the last.
Great sex can start just by thinking about it, and the Love Decoder gets the juicy thoughts flowing. Just the look of the black and silver Love Decoder is enticing. It is an unusual take on the love dice I have seen everywhere. Based on the origami fortune tellers of my youth, the Love Decoder provides a great conversation piece and serves as inspiration for what's to come.
The mini black feather tickler is a great way to tease and titillate the person subject to its touch. If it's whispery feather kisses leave him/her wanting more, the waterproof mini-vibe packs a powerful punch. I imagine that after a feather-light touch, it might be fun to up the intensity with this little vibe. I love that it's waterproof which makes it perfect for aquatic adventures and for Girl Scouts like me who like to keep their toys super clean (If only that merit badge had been an option back in the day).
The mini-vibe will also stand up to the included water-based lube and, in case the vibe just isn't enough, the kit also includes two condoms. While the condoms aren't branded with the JimmyJane logo, they come in their own cute little JimmyJane box which adds to the neat appearance and the integrated look of the whole set.
The JimmyJane Indulgences Pocket Pleasure Pack is a high-end take on more mainstream combo packs like the Vibrating Rings sold by Trojan and packaged with their condoms. While I wouldn't think of going to Wal-Mart and buying a box of Trojans and a fingertip massager for a friend, I would totally bequeath a gal pal with some JimmyJane love. I am not someone who is normally very brand conscious (I didn't get the boutique-shopping merit badge), but JimmyJane has built a brand that is worth recognizing. Among a few others, they stand out as a provider of tasteful and tasty sexy goodies. Not only is The Indulgences Pleasure Pack great in case of an emergency, I think it would make a fantastic party favor for guests at a bachelorette party or even as gifts to a hip wedding party.
Whatever the occasion, this little kit will help us all to "be prepared." Gee whiz, my scout-leader would be so proud! Maybe she'll let me sell cookies this year! Egads!
To purchase your own Indulgences Pocket Pleasure Set go to Babeland.
Labels: germs, review, toys, travel
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 3:24 PM
Monday, July 21, 2008
Dead Mouse
Recently, and unexpectedly, I found myself at Disneyland. My hubby had to go to Anaheim for work, and one of the perks was that he got free passes to the Magic Kingdom. While Pirates of the Caribbean and the Haunted Mansion thrilled me just as much as they did throughout my childhood (perhaps even more so now that they have added Johnny Depp to the slew of animatronic singing pirates), I have to admit the the rides were not my favorite part of the trip.
While I certainly appreciate the creativity behind some of the rides at Disneyland, I am generally sickened by the Disney culture. By this I mean adults who are trapped in their childhood obsession with a mouse and his cohorts. I had a colleague once who used her wedding registry to try and complete her set of Winnie the Pooh dishes. I am all for maintaining a connection with one's childhood and relishing in eternal youth, but there is something saccharin sweet about the Disney experience generally. It kinda makes me want to yack (and yes, that is even before I consume mass amounts of amusement park food). Maybe I am the sicko, but the frenzied Disney obsession makes me kind of sick.
It is because of this feeling of nausea and my disturbance that Mickey Mouse hats now come with optional earrings, that I derived (perhaps an obscene amount of) pleasure from lobotomizing Mickey, spilling his brains on the bathroom counter, and recording the evidence. I hope you are able to delight in the ghastly image as much as I do.Labels: rant, travel
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 5:47 PM
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
New Beach
Ok. I admit it. My head is still in Greece. My thoughts are swirling around with memories of my recent trip. My husband and I started our trip in Athens and then went on to Santorini and Crete. We absolutely fell in love with Santorini, so when we arrived in Crete, after five nights in the perfectly charming Santorini, we were both a little disheartened to find such a sprawling, filthy city. It didn’t help that we had spent the night prior to our arrival on the floor of a dingy ferry trying to sleep with backpack pillows and American infomercials blaring on the television.
After a quick, and mandatory, visit to the Palace of King Minos at Knossos, we had both had our share of Crete’s beaten track, and zoomed away as fast as our “micro” rental car could take us. We headed south, through picturesque vineyards and herds of goats, into the mountains. Our goal was the southern coast of Crete where we’d read there were some beautiful and unspoiled beaches. We would have to find something pretty spectacular to top our Santorini experience.
I was finally able to get over my concern that I had ruined my husband’s vacation and taken him to a hideous lump of dirt in the middle of the ocean when we reached the beach at Agios Pavlos. Agios Pavlos is little more than a couple of hotels and a taverna or two, but I think it is technically a town. It is home to one of the most beautiful beaches I have ever encountered. Our last few days in Santorini had been a little chilly, and we had not yet gotten to have the stereotypical beach day we both envisioned would be a part of our Grecian holiday.
On a bright, sunny day in Agios Pavlos, we packed up our beach goodies and headed down to the sand. We had carefully scouted the perfect spot from the cliffs that rose above the crystal blue water. We staked our camp near the mouth of a cave that we had seen a family inhabiting the day before. We spread out our things, and I settled in to write postcards while The Mr. set off to explore the numerous caves and rock formations that surrounded us. We were both completely content. Not more than ten minutes passed when I heard my husband approach; those caves must have been smaller than I’d thought.
“We have to move! Right now!”
“Why?”
“The next beach over is even more beautiful than this, and the one after that is a nude beach!”
“A nude beach? Really? How do you know it is a nude beach?”
“There is a couple there, and they are nude.”
After some discussion, we decided it might be best to start our own “nude beach” at the next beach over, rather than disturb the couple on the preexisting “nude beach.” Quickly we made our move. Before I could talk myself out of it, I stripped off my bikini and my husband, a bit shocked I think, followed suit with his trunks. I was amused by the cool breeze caressing my bottom and felt giddy with the thought of my public exposure, despite the lack of a public.
A few moments later, a public arrived. It consisted of two adult-type people and what was, presumably, their offspring – a boy of about eight or ten. We froze like deer – bums up, eyes open. Our whispered discussion of what the hell we should do next concluded with a stealthy donning of our swimsuits and a move to the real “nude beach.”
The beaches at Agios Pavlos are separated by rock formations. When we made it around the rocks to the next small bay, I was shocked to see the nude couple right there. I had imagined them some distance away from us. We walked briskly by them with a courtesy sand gaze. We found a spot as far away from them as possible, yet still on the beach. It was decidedly more difficult to remove our clothes the second time around; being “caught” the first time had made us a little more anxious.
Ultimately, we were able to get comfortable. I even managed to smear sunscreen on my hubby’s bum (the one spot, we would later learn, that I had missed on my own body back in our hotel room). As the day progressed, we basked in the warm spring air and even splashed in the cool, blue water.
The original couple did us the same courtesy that we did them and basically ignored us. Eventually, they left. Their departure, however, did not mark the end of the nude beach. One by one and two by two, other people arrived throughout the day. Each would look around, see that this was the “nude beach,” and comply with our dress code.
I didn’t talk to anyone but my husband the whole day. By late afternoon, there were a dozen or so people on the beach, and none of the small groups intermingled. I have spent the last few weeks relishing in the thought that we “created” a nude beach in Crete. I was delighted to think that everyone wanted to be naked, and all they needed was the motivation of other bare bottoms. A brief Google search just proved me wrong – at least a little bit. According to several websites, while Agios Pavlos is not officially a nude beach, it has a naked reputation. So much for American ingenuity.
Despite the fact that we did not invent it, I would still like to take some credit for the nude beach at Agios Pavlos. Perhaps if we had remained suited, others would have taken our lead just as we took the lead of the first couple we encountered. By baring all, we set the tone for other beachgoers that day. Perhaps they’d read about it before. Perhaps they hadn’t. We helped create the nude beach for those fleeting hours while my bum baked in the sun and my head rested in the fine sand, and I am ever so happy about it.Labels: body image, travel
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 4:33 PM
Monday, May 12, 2008
Greece Moved!
I had a fantastic time on my recent trip to Greece. So much so, that I did not take the time to write an elaborate description of every detail. Instead, I drank ouzo and coffee and romped on a good number or exquisite beaches. I enjoyed the bliss of my husband's company while stopping at goat crossings in the middle of nowhere with road signs I couldn't read. Ahhh.
In the week since I've been back, the thought of posting all of my travel details at Pretty Please Me has not appealed to me. In fact, I have done lots of laundry and eyebrow tweezing in order to avoid writing all together. I realized that if I gave my travel adventures their own spot, they would feel much happier flowing from my brain to the page, and I would have space to write about stuff more "Pretty Pleaseable" in this spot meant for that. So, my adventures in Greece have flown the coop. Their new address is:
www.travelinglarens.blogspot.com
Please visit them there.Labels: travel
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 3:44 PM
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