Wednesday, August 20, 2008
My New Blew Tooth Mouth Piece
I have spent the last two weeks chasing my husband around the house trying to give him head. While I am sure that this is a normal phenomenon occurring daily in households across America, it is not something that generally happens in our home. The reason for my husband's sprint was a new toy I picked up called Blowguard. This clever little device was one of the few truly novel things I encountered at the Adult Novelty Expo (ANE) last month in Los Angeles.
The Blowguard is, essentially, a silicone bite plate that fits over the teeth and prevents them from "leaving their mark" on the person at the effect of fellatio. The dentist who created this gadget did so originally to appease a client who wished to keep her dentures in place whilst pleasing her partner orally. Although both the dentist and I agree that her partner may have preferred the "gumming it" approach, the woman was adamant and explained that her partner knew not of her toothlessness. Hence, the Blowguard was born.
Since its humble debut in the mouth of a nameless, toothless woman, Blowguard has seen some improvements. While the dentist/creator does not offer custom-fit models as yet, the standard silicone tray is surprisingly comfortable and malleable; I kinda wanted to chew it. The Blowguard now comes with a removable mini-bullet vibe that fits neatly in the front of the device. I imagine, that with proper placement, it could do a number on the super sensitive frenulum.
Since acquiring a Blowguard of my very own, I have been chomping at the bit, so to speak, to give it a go. My husband, who I would consider to be fairly adventurous, has not been so eager to be my research partner. Perhaps I should take it as a compliment to my "natural" skill, but he wasn't super turned on by the thought of “guarding” the “blow,” or “taking the job out blow jobs,” as the company’s motto suggests.
Finally, late one Saturday afternoon, we struck a deal. I readied the Blowguard with the cherry flavored lube that was included in the package and placed it in my mouth whilst trying to override my strong urge to mouth breathe and tell Luke I was his father (Maybe there is a market among the Star Wars obsessed -- I know there must be a fetish community somewhere that worships those who can give good Vader). If I ever try the Blowguard again, I will wait until after dark; the bright flesh-colored loop that holds the vibe in place is a little too reminiscent of my retainer days, and having to look at it did not make me feel like the sexiest of sex-pots. Note to Star Wars fans: wearing it at night would also maximize one's resemblance to the Dark Lord of the Sith. Bonus points!
My husband is not part of the Vader fetish community, but he was very patient with my unintentional (ok, and then kind of intentional) imitation of Shelly Marsh ("Skyler!"). He also gave me ample time to try and figure out the darn thing. While Blowguard's website clearly indicates that the device should go on one's bottom teeth, the package does not have such clear instructions. Having not explored the website prior to usage, I experimented with the Blowguard in both places. Gravity was not my friend with the Blowguard on my top teeth, and I ended up having to bite down harder to keep it in place. Not fun. Wearing the Blowguard on my bottom teeth worked much better although, I like being able to get my lips around my teeth, and the mini-vibe inhibited this.
While I certainly see that there could be a market for the Blowguard, I am sad to say that I don't think I am it (at least not until I lose my teeth or gain a greater appreciation for lightsabers). I am all for trying new things, but I found myself thinking, "If it ain't broke…" That said, I am glad that Blowguard exists, and I think it could make a fun gift. There is such a dearth of sex toys geared towards men, and I welcome this creative newcomer. Boys are hard to shop for as it is, and it is great to be able to buy that special someone what is, essentially, a blow job in a box for under thirty bucks. I imagine that just the thought of what's to come might be enough to get many a motor running.
Overall, the unusual sensation of vibration in my mouth was my favorite part of the Blowguard, but my husband did not share the love, and we ended up turning off the vibe. The Blowguard experience was definitely an entertaining one, but my man had a hard time seeing what all the buzz was about, and ultimately told me to "buzz off."Labels: review, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 11:35 AM
Friday, August 1, 2008
Hit the Sheets, Part 3
Cheat Sheets
Velcro sheets? Piece of cake. Kama Sutra sheets? No problem. Little did I know I would spend an hour and a half shifting through the sheets to try and find a link for a company I saw last January at The Adult Entertainment Expo (AEE). Anyone hear of actually marketing your product? I digress…
Have you ever wanted to sleep with a woman chalk-full o’ silicone without actually having to communicate with her? Do you fear the prospect of maneuvering the curves of an actual female or the conversation and emotions that may come along with her? Worry not! Now you can sleep with a two-dimensional diva (or several) for only $65 (including shipping and handling – yes, once your payment is received, you can handle her as much as you want). All this and you don’t have to buy her dinner. Heck, you can eat dinner off of her, and she’ll never complain. You can even throw her in the washing machine when you’re done.
It seems several companies have taken advantage of the cutting-edge printing technology available and brought to market photo sheets. FantaSheet is the company I saw in January at ANE. According to TechCrunch, their competitor, Reality Bedding, fell asleep on the job and let go of the dream last year. Vision Bedding, which had planned to collaborate with Reality Bedding at one point, not only offers photo bedding but custom photo bedding. They may not go for the photos like the schoolgirls offered by FantaSheet, but they seem to have the most versatility. Heck, they even make custom dog beds, for the spoiled bitches in your life.
FantaSheet promises a future full of custom sheets and sheets with male models, but for now, if you want to catch your Z’s from them, you’ll have to do it on double D, 2D T’n’A. Sweet dreams…
Labels: bedding, review, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 12:23 AM
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Hit the Sheets, Part 2
Spread Sheets
Sex can produce some sticky situations. For some, the stickier, the better. That is where Sportsheets come in. The signature product of Sportsheets International, the Sportsheet Bondage Bedsheet, makes use of Velcro to aid in restraining bed buddies. Tom Stewart, the founder and president of the company, was first inspired by those Velcro walls such as the one that appeared on The David Letterman Show in 1984. He figured that if Velcro was strong enough to hold a person upside down, it could replace more traditional bondage restraints – why ruin a perfectly good necktie or two?
Each sheet set comes with four wrist/ankle cuffs that can be quickly attached to (and, thankfully, released from) four, amazingly sticky, Velcro anchor pads that adhere directly to the velvety Velcro fitted sheet. The sheet itself looks like a plain old black sheet, and it acts like one, too; it is machine washable. And just in case you thought about freeing yourself by removing the entire sheet, the folks at Sportsheets fitted it with a drawstring and two adjustable nylon straps that are fastened under the mattress. While these are not the sheets of a super-experienced dungeon master, they are surprisingly powerful and, what I might call, “dungeon-light.” Like any good bed buddy, they are strong yet soft to the touch, flexible and easy to clean, and, of course, they have excellent staying power and durability. I am certainly stuck on them. Labels: bedding, review, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 8:29 PM
Hit the Sheets, Part 1
Damask is classy and satin is sexy, but I was recently reminded that there are a myriad of other options available when it comes to bed linens. Here are a few of my favorites.
Fact Sheet
I love Twister. I love the anticipation of trying to figure out how I am going to keep my right hand on red while I stretch my left leg all the way over to the first available green. I have fondly held on to childhood memories of the game, and often find myself wondering why I don’t play it more often. No longer! I have just discovered a new, slightly more grown-up, twist on this childhood favorite. Karmasheetra has incorporated Twister and the ancient Indian art of Kama Sutra into, of all things, a bed sheet. Be still my heart!
Who would have thought that sexual nirvana would come in the form of a cotton-poly blend flat sheet and cost only £19.99? Printed on each Karmasheetra are numbered and color-coded pieces of anatomy -- blue for boys, pink for girls (although, I don't see why you couldn't switch up the assigned colors, with appropriate accessories). By choosing corresponding numbers, partners can align themselves in seven different, and potentially bliss producing, positions. Thank the gods! I have always found it a challenge to keep my ass off the ground whilst playing Twister. The lovely folks at Karmasheetra have left a spot just for my ass, several spots, actually. They have also condensed thousands of years of sexual and spiritual practices into color-coded and numbered cartoon drawings. Thanks for saving me some serious reading; who says paint-by-numbers is a bad idea? Perhaps their next endeavor will be a sheet set incorporating the classic 1960’s game, Operation and acupressure: Acuration? I suppose it’s not quite as sexy, but a girl’s gotta dream. I have always loved that big, red nose.Labels: bedding, review, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 6:47 PM
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Buzz Kill
I love vibrators. I love the continual, rolling orgasms they produce. I love the pretty colors and bright packaging. I love the novelty of the industry and how new people and new products are constantly making it over for the better. I love the taboo, and I love the empowerment. I own vibrators, have given them as gifts and recommended my favorites to friends and strangers, but I am going to take a break.
I am going to take a break not out of some sort of masochistic withholding self-torture, but precisely because I want to experience more pleasure, more fully.
A few weeks ago, I took a class part of which focused on increasing sexual pleasure. I was told that the intense vibrations of vibrators could diminish clitoral sensitivity. Upon further research I learned that Steve and Vera Bodansky supported this theory in their book, Extended Massive Orgasm. While I wanted to scoff at this notion and continue my fun with Mr. Rabbit and other phthalate-free favorites, I was forced to concede that there might be some validity to this claim.
Back in the summer of ’06, my own personal summer of love, I, unwittingly, gathered evidence to prove this very point. My husband was traveling a good deal, and I decided, in his absence, to work on getting comfortable with my expanding sex toy collection.
As a child, I had masturbated regularly. I was very secretive about it. I even had code names and special locations and all sorts of stuff. I was an undercover masturbating super spy. As a young adult I swore off masturbation in favor of “hysteria” and serial monogamous encounters at not so regular intervals. Needless to say, I had been a little unfulfilled.
By 2006, three years into my marriage, I was still uncomfortable with masturbation generally and vibrators specifically, but I decided it was time to get over it. I went on a two-week long sexploration of myself. Wow. Such a highflying adventure was long overdue, and I reaped the benefits. I basked in the freedom of trying new things and exploring different motor speeds. I learned more about my genitalia that summer than I think I had since I first discovered it.
I giddily shared my electronic exploits with my traveling husband via all electronic media available: Skype, email, my (holy crap how much does it cost per minute?) phone. I think it was fun for both of us, and I eagerly anticipated his return so I could share my newfound obsession with him.
His homecoming was not as happy as I had imagined. After gleefully showing him some of what I had described to him in his absence, I was excited to have sex with a human again, specifically my husband.
While I had not embraced masturbation previously, I had been quite easily and readily satisfied by intercourse. I was looking forward to that satisfaction that I had had at the ready all my sexual life; it was painfully slow in coming (so to speak). Suddenly my body felt rather foreign. The easy wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am on which I had come to rely was out of my grasp. I am not saying I didn’t enjoy the ride, but suddenly the process of getting off, was much longer than it had ever been. I began to fear that the pink bunny had ruined me forever. Out damn pearl encrusted oscillating shaft, out!
It took a while, but ultimately I got my mojo back. Yeah, baby. At the time, I made a connection between the increase in my vibrating, plastic orgasms and the decrease in those more “manmade,” but, as sensation began to return to normal, I began to forget that I’d ever seen such a connection.
When I heard it proposed as a theory in my class, memories of 2006 came flooding back to me. Duh! Of course so much vibration can decrease sensitivity. Of course touching your body with a machine rather than actual flesh of some kind can diminish intimacy. I get it.
All of that said, there is no way in hell I am getting rid of my vibrators. The thing about vibrators is they are more that just merchandised orgasms. The fact that someone is making them – lots of someones are making them – means that someone – lots of someones – are frequently thinking about vaginas and how to make them happy. I am glad about that. I am glad that I am seeing “personal massagers” at Target and Walgreen’s. I am thrilled that Fred Segal is selling the OhMiBod.
The vibrator's rise in popularity represents an increased focus on sex as a positive, life-affirming activity. My love of vibrators is more than just physical pleasure; it is a political and social statement. I love sex, but I would choose my husband over a vibrator any day. I want to do everything in my power to make my sex life as fantastic as possible. This means I will practice as often as possible. I will take classes and read books and work on increasing the sensitivity of my clitoris. It also means that, every once in a while, when the mood strikes me, I might get a little buzzed.
Labels: rant, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 12:03 PM
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Like a Bull...
So a man walks into a sex toy shop, marches right up to a woman he’s never met, and offers her advice about her potential vibrator purchase. “You know what you should get? You should get this one. Look at what it does…” The man breaks the vibrator shopping etiquette of keeping one’s focus firmly on the products to be perused. He removes the blinders everyone dons upon entry into a sex shop (maybe he forgot to pick up his complimentary pair to begin with). The man looks the woman right in the eye and suggests what she might shove up her vagina. My stomach is in my throat, and I can feel my eyes bulging from my skull with the thought of his audacity. The woman, to my surprise, appreciates the advice. She thanks the man and looks more intently at the product he so enthusiastically suggested. The man, who is my husband, flashes me a winning grin, and I love him even more than I did when he entered the shop sans blinders, nostrils flaring. Sometimes bulls are good for china.Labels: rant, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 10:09 PM
Monday, February 4, 2008
That's Hot!
Anna Benson, you’re my hero! Anna Benson, along with her sister, Cynthia, and their company, The Firm, first introduced me to exercise videos, and exercise more generally, some thirteen years ago. They had already been at it for a while having combined weights and aerobics back in the late 1970’s before anyone else was doing it, let alone women. I joined thousands of other sweaty, buff females and became cultishly addicted to The Firm’s numerous exercise videos (on VHS, no less). I knew I was hooked the moment I spotted my bicep rippling under my taut, young skin. I sang the praises of The Firm to anyone who would listen (and some who wouldn’t), and I was proud when people would ask me what gym I went to. “Oh, me? I don’t go to the gym at all. I do exercise videos from the eighties in my living room.” Ah, yes, those were the days.
I remember giggling at The Firm’s newsletter when they suggested doing Kegel exercises to “increase sexual pleasure,” but I did them anyway. Later videos produced by the company even had instructors leading Kegels with a subtle fist-clenching gesture to queue the viewer. I recall, as a young woman, being a little shocked that these crazy ladies from South Carolina were shamelessly teaching me how to exercise my vaginal muscles. They even showed detailed diagrams and said the word “vagina” matter-of-factly.
Years passed, and the Benson sisters sold the rights to The Firm. The numerous, and talented, Firm instructors split-up and started projects of their own. Anna went on to produce a number of new videos, including the Kick Butt series, which I own and adore. While The Firm and its creators remained an important influence on my workout regimen, they took a back burner to the elliptical machine and other exercises I could do while watching Martha Stewart roast root vegetables and talk to the stars of Desperate Housewives.
Recently, I received an email announcing that Anna has a new trick up her…. sleeve. Anna Benson has yet again made exercise anything but routine and, in the process, she’s won my heart again. In her new video, RootLock she is not only leading a variety of pelvic floor strengthening exercises, she is recommending the use of Smart Balls by Fun Factory to enhance these exercises. Complete with colorful balloon models of the pelvis, Anna’s new video makes me want to squeeze her (and my perineum).
Not only is she a successful and creative businesswoman, she is proud of being a sexually integrated woman. What a great roll-model! Why not exercise your vagina when you hit your abs and quads? Why not incorporate sex toys into a fun and challenging workout? Suddenly, the elliptical machine is not sounding so appealing. I think I will stay home and lift weights – inside and out. Thank you, Anna Benson. I remain a Firm Believer!
Labels: fitness, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 9:07 PM
Friday, January 25, 2008
I'm Picking Up Good Vibrations
Gloria Estefan had it right when she cooed, “the rhythm is gonna get’cha.” Now I don’t know that I would use her songs with my brand new OhMiBod, but she certainly captures my sentiment. OhMiBod is one of the most innovative vibrators I have ever seen. With a simple adaptor (included), it connects to any iPod, mp3 player or portable CD player and vibrates right along with, “The Rhythm of the Night” or any other song on your playlist.
The first thing that caught my eye about the OhMiBod, is its fabulous styling. In fact, I haven’t yet been able to bring myself to throw away the box because it is so darn pretty. As its name suggests, the clean, simple, design is certainly reminiscent of Apple’s iPod and makes OhMiBod seem like any other iPod accessory – any super-girly iPod accessory, that is. The sleek design has landed OhMiBod spots in hip stores such as Fred Segal in Los Angeles and Ricky’s in New York City. Its clean packaging helps to make it an ideal crossover brand.
Like the packaging, the vibrator itself is also simple and elegant in its design. It is all white and metallic, much like many an iPod. It even has an alternate endcap that turns OhMiBod into a plain ol’ vibe for those quickies that don’t require mood music. While I really appreciate the clean design, I was a little disappointed in the execution. The endcap is actually plastic coated in metallic paint rather than metal. I worry enough about my nails chipping; I don’t want to have to think about my vibrator losing paint (especially not inside of me). While I realize that this design probably makes the OhMiBod cheaper in price, it also makes it cheaper in appearance. Additionally, the smooth white plastic was not completely smooth; there is an injection molding sink mark, or dimple, at the top of my vibe that I could not clean-out completely after use. Because of this, OhMiBod may have to wear a condom next time. Safe sex for everyone!
Ok, down to the nitty-gritty. It was so much fun to play with music and vibration, that I found myself giggling a bit (not in an, “I am embarrassed, and I can’t believe I’m sticking this inside me kind of way,” but in a “Oooh, wow, that is so fun,” kind of way). As someone who dances regularly, I found using OhMiBod to be a little like dancing with a partner – a partner who didn’t miss a beat. I had fun experimenting with different types of music as the vibration frequency and quality changed with each song. I recommend songs with a strong, pulsing baseline. I also really enjoyed my blues playlist… yummy! The one frustration here was that different songs required different levels of volume in order to get the vibe humming. I also found that sometimes in order to get the level of vibration I wanted, I had to turn up the volume a bit more than is normally comfortable for my ears.
Overall, OhMiBod is a classy vibrator. Its simple design and clear instructions make it very user friendly; I was up and humming in no time. In keeping with their techie theme, OhMBod has a pretty cool integrated website. The site sells related “Acsexsories,” allows users to share comments, and even took me to the iTunes store to purchase a playlist that another user had posted.
OhMiBod is already expanding their line to include other exciting gadgets such as the OhMiBod Gspot, and a softskin pink sleeve that fits over the original OhMiBod. I am hoping those clever folks might work in some more clitoral stimulation in the not-too-distant future (please?). OhMiBod is my favorite new toy. Not only do I have fun with it personally, but I like to think of it as frontrunner in the movement of sex toys from the gutter to Fifth Avenue. It certainly does more than its fair share both in the bedroom and in the struggle to bring vibrators into the realm of social acceptability. Rock on!Labels: review, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 11:10 PM
Monday, January 14, 2008
Finding a Home at AEE
The Adult Entertainment Expo (AEE) is divided into two rooms. Upstairs in the Sands Convention Center in Las Vegas, there is a large room dedicated to all of the porn studios. Loud music blares from various booths and images of naked women scream from prominently perched televisions. This part of the show is also open to fans during certain hours, so the loud noises and images are further amplified while throngs of oglers stop in their tracks to stare and have various pieces of anatomy and articles of clothing signed by a wide variety of porn stars. This part of the show is always a little overwhelming for me. I find myself wandering towards the back of the room where I can admire customized photo bed sheets and knock-off Gucci handbags. While I am mesmerized by all the sights and sounds, I feel a bit out of place here; I am wearing jeans over my g-string, and my small breasts are, quite obviously, lacking in the silicone department.
Downstairs is my oasis. Downstairs is why I go to this show in the first place: The B2B Market Place. Here, various vendors and creators of adult novelties show their wares (yes, sometimes underwears, too). When I first attended AEE two years ago, it took me a while to find this special place, but once I did, I didn’t want to leave. This year I made sure to give myself plenty of time to wander from booth to booth and explore all of the exciting products.
When I think about my preference for sex toys and novelties to actual pornographic media, I think of my mother. My mom worked as a preschool teacher for some time, and she was always decrying the evils of television and movies. She argued that with a book a child could imagine the level intensity and violence that he personally could handle. TV and film, on the other hand, presented those images fully developed and outside of the child’s control. I hate to agree with my mother, but maybe she had a point; it suits me better to use my imagination than to be bombarded by a myriad of provocative images that are often beyond me. This certainly doesn’t apply to everything I saw upstairs at AEE, and I will review some of the happy exceptions over the next few days.
I will also review some of the very exciting new products that I was thrilled to encounter in the B2B Market Place. I am giddy with the thought of all of the novel goods that are now available. How lucky we are to be living in a time of such unprecedented innovation. These are not your mothers’ vibrators! Stay tuned; more to come...Labels: pornography, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 12:31 PM
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