Wednesday, August 20, 2008
My New Blew Tooth Mouth Piece
I have spent the last two weeks chasing my husband around the house trying to give him head. While I am sure that this is a normal phenomenon occurring daily in households across America, it is not something that generally happens in our home. The reason for my husband's sprint was a new toy I picked up called Blowguard. This clever little device was one of the few truly novel things I encountered at the Adult Novelty Expo (ANE) last month in Los Angeles.
The Blowguard is, essentially, a silicone bite plate that fits over the teeth and prevents them from "leaving their mark" on the person at the effect of fellatio. The dentist who created this gadget did so originally to appease a client who wished to keep her dentures in place whilst pleasing her partner orally. Although both the dentist and I agree that her partner may have preferred the "gumming it" approach, the woman was adamant and explained that her partner knew not of her toothlessness. Hence, the Blowguard was born.
Since its humble debut in the mouth of a nameless, toothless woman, Blowguard has seen some improvements. While the dentist/creator does not offer custom-fit models as yet, the standard silicone tray is surprisingly comfortable and malleable; I kinda wanted to chew it. The Blowguard now comes with a removable mini-bullet vibe that fits neatly in the front of the device. I imagine, that with proper placement, it could do a number on the super sensitive frenulum.
Since acquiring a Blowguard of my very own, I have been chomping at the bit, so to speak, to give it a go. My husband, who I would consider to be fairly adventurous, has not been so eager to be my research partner. Perhaps I should take it as a compliment to my "natural" skill, but he wasn't super turned on by the thought of “guarding” the “blow,” or “taking the job out blow jobs,” as the company’s motto suggests.
Finally, late one Saturday afternoon, we struck a deal. I readied the Blowguard with the cherry flavored lube that was included in the package and placed it in my mouth whilst trying to override my strong urge to mouth breathe and tell Luke I was his father (Maybe there is a market among the Star Wars obsessed -- I know there must be a fetish community somewhere that worships those who can give good Vader). If I ever try the Blowguard again, I will wait until after dark; the bright flesh-colored loop that holds the vibe in place is a little too reminiscent of my retainer days, and having to look at it did not make me feel like the sexiest of sex-pots. Note to Star Wars fans: wearing it at night would also maximize one's resemblance to the Dark Lord of the Sith. Bonus points!
My husband is not part of the Vader fetish community, but he was very patient with my unintentional (ok, and then kind of intentional) imitation of Shelly Marsh ("Skyler!"). He also gave me ample time to try and figure out the darn thing. While Blowguard's website clearly indicates that the device should go on one's bottom teeth, the package does not have such clear instructions. Having not explored the website prior to usage, I experimented with the Blowguard in both places. Gravity was not my friend with the Blowguard on my top teeth, and I ended up having to bite down harder to keep it in place. Not fun. Wearing the Blowguard on my bottom teeth worked much better although, I like being able to get my lips around my teeth, and the mini-vibe inhibited this.
While I certainly see that there could be a market for the Blowguard, I am sad to say that I don't think I am it (at least not until I lose my teeth or gain a greater appreciation for lightsabers). I am all for trying new things, but I found myself thinking, "If it ain't broke…" That said, I am glad that Blowguard exists, and I think it could make a fun gift. There is such a dearth of sex toys geared towards men, and I welcome this creative newcomer. Boys are hard to shop for as it is, and it is great to be able to buy that special someone what is, essentially, a blow job in a box for under thirty bucks. I imagine that just the thought of what's to come might be enough to get many a motor running.
Overall, the unusual sensation of vibration in my mouth was my favorite part of the Blowguard, but my husband did not share the love, and we ended up turning off the vibe. The Blowguard experience was definitely an entertaining one, but my man had a hard time seeing what all the buzz was about, and ultimately told me to "buzz off."Labels: review, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 11:35 AM
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Lashings and Lace
My friend May had on the coolest shirt the other day. It was a lovely shade of pink, and hidden amongst the beautifully embroidered flowers that caressed her collarbone were the the words (in delicate cursive) "I Like it rough."
May pointed me to the designer of her shirt in hopes that I might find a treasure of my own. Boy, did I! Nicole Locher has perfectly combined naughty and nice. Each of her elegantly embroidered designs contains subtle little messages like, "Will Fuck for Shoes," and "Petite Salope," which I just learned means, "Little slut," in French. I love learning new languages!
In addition to the glee I feel wearing something delightfully beautiful that happens to say something nasty, I am also thankful to Ms. Locher for helping me with my language skills. With her shirts I can now announce when I am "sans culotte" or without panties. Shucks! Speaking French makes me feel like such a high class dame. Oui oui and ooo la la!Labels: clothing, review
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 6:11 PM
Hit the Sheets, Part 4
Sheet Set
OK, I thought I was done, but I found one more irresistible item of bedding. Last week I whined a bit when I couldn't find sexy photographic bedding with boys on it. Thanks to Al Gore and his fantastical Interweb, I managed to track down not only bedding with a naked man on it, but, even better, a headless naked man. Now I am able not only to live out my fantasies of attaching my head to a man's body, but also those of making love to someone prone to chasing Ichabod Crane on horseback.
The makers of these sheets are admirably detail oriented; the backside of the duvet is complete with a backside. Spooning has never been easier. Now my bed buddy can't complain when I tell him he has a flat ass. I mean, first off, it's true and secondly, he hasn't a head with which to produce complaints.
As if I wasn't completely satisfied with my headless man, I also have the option of acquiring a headless woman and a headless couple. I never thought I would get to live out that neck-less necrophiliac ménage-a-trois fantasy. My dreams are coming true all over the place!Labels: bedding, review, toy
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 5:09 PM
Friday, August 1, 2008
Hit the Sheets, Part 3
Cheat Sheets
Velcro sheets? Piece of cake. Kama Sutra sheets? No problem. Little did I know I would spend an hour and a half shifting through the sheets to try and find a link for a company I saw last January at The Adult Entertainment Expo (AEE). Anyone hear of actually marketing your product? I digress…
Have you ever wanted to sleep with a woman chalk-full o’ silicone without actually having to communicate with her? Do you fear the prospect of maneuvering the curves of an actual female or the conversation and emotions that may come along with her? Worry not! Now you can sleep with a two-dimensional diva (or several) for only $65 (including shipping and handling – yes, once your payment is received, you can handle her as much as you want). All this and you don’t have to buy her dinner. Heck, you can eat dinner off of her, and she’ll never complain. You can even throw her in the washing machine when you’re done.
It seems several companies have taken advantage of the cutting-edge printing technology available and brought to market photo sheets. FantaSheet is the company I saw in January at ANE. According to TechCrunch, their competitor, Reality Bedding, fell asleep on the job and let go of the dream last year. Vision Bedding, which had planned to collaborate with Reality Bedding at one point, not only offers photo bedding but custom photo bedding. They may not go for the photos like the schoolgirls offered by FantaSheet, but they seem to have the most versatility. Heck, they even make custom dog beds, for the spoiled bitches in your life.
FantaSheet promises a future full of custom sheets and sheets with male models, but for now, if you want to catch your Z’s from them, you’ll have to do it on double D, 2D T’n’A. Sweet dreams…
Labels: bedding, review, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 12:23 AM
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Hit the Sheets, Part 2
Spread Sheets
Sex can produce some sticky situations. For some, the stickier, the better. That is where Sportsheets come in. The signature product of Sportsheets International, the Sportsheet Bondage Bedsheet, makes use of Velcro to aid in restraining bed buddies. Tom Stewart, the founder and president of the company, was first inspired by those Velcro walls such as the one that appeared on The David Letterman Show in 1984. He figured that if Velcro was strong enough to hold a person upside down, it could replace more traditional bondage restraints – why ruin a perfectly good necktie or two?
Each sheet set comes with four wrist/ankle cuffs that can be quickly attached to (and, thankfully, released from) four, amazingly sticky, Velcro anchor pads that adhere directly to the velvety Velcro fitted sheet. The sheet itself looks like a plain old black sheet, and it acts like one, too; it is machine washable. And just in case you thought about freeing yourself by removing the entire sheet, the folks at Sportsheets fitted it with a drawstring and two adjustable nylon straps that are fastened under the mattress. While these are not the sheets of a super-experienced dungeon master, they are surprisingly powerful and, what I might call, “dungeon-light.” Like any good bed buddy, they are strong yet soft to the touch, flexible and easy to clean, and, of course, they have excellent staying power and durability. I am certainly stuck on them. Labels: bedding, review, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 8:29 PM
Hit the Sheets, Part 1
Damask is classy and satin is sexy, but I was recently reminded that there are a myriad of other options available when it comes to bed linens. Here are a few of my favorites.
Fact Sheet
I love Twister. I love the anticipation of trying to figure out how I am going to keep my right hand on red while I stretch my left leg all the way over to the first available green. I have fondly held on to childhood memories of the game, and often find myself wondering why I don’t play it more often. No longer! I have just discovered a new, slightly more grown-up, twist on this childhood favorite. Karmasheetra has incorporated Twister and the ancient Indian art of Kama Sutra into, of all things, a bed sheet. Be still my heart!
Who would have thought that sexual nirvana would come in the form of a cotton-poly blend flat sheet and cost only £19.99? Printed on each Karmasheetra are numbered and color-coded pieces of anatomy -- blue for boys, pink for girls (although, I don't see why you couldn't switch up the assigned colors, with appropriate accessories). By choosing corresponding numbers, partners can align themselves in seven different, and potentially bliss producing, positions. Thank the gods! I have always found it a challenge to keep my ass off the ground whilst playing Twister. The lovely folks at Karmasheetra have left a spot just for my ass, several spots, actually. They have also condensed thousands of years of sexual and spiritual practices into color-coded and numbered cartoon drawings. Thanks for saving me some serious reading; who says paint-by-numbers is a bad idea? Perhaps their next endeavor will be a sheet set incorporating the classic 1960’s game, Operation and acupressure: Acuration? I suppose it’s not quite as sexy, but a girl’s gotta dream. I have always loved that big, red nose.Labels: bedding, review, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 6:47 PM
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Color Me Excited!
Right. So I have talked way more about my pubic hair on this blog than I ever imagined I would. Ever. Yet here I am again with my nether regions on my mind (not literally; I am not quite that flexible). Back in the day when Natasha Senior (my salon had the distinction of employing two Natashas) was my waxer-extraordinaire, there was talk of something dazzling and cutting edge. Some of the beauticians at this posh San Francisco salon were using cookie cutters and hair dye to dramatically transform bikini lines. Natasha Senior herself spoke of a beautiful blue dolphin she had recently emblazoned on a client's mons pubis. I remember thinking how outrageous it was at the time. Ridiculous even. I thought colorful, decorative pubic hair was soon to go the way of banana clips and zipper jeans.
Flash forward six years or so, and, much to my surprise, here I am staring at a box of do-it-yourself pubic hair dye. Betty Beauty comes in a wide variety of colors from natural (brown and black) to not so (blue and hot pink). Nancy Jarecki, the creator, got the idea when she saw colorists at a Roman salon slipping little brown bags to their clients as they left. She learned that the bags contained a small bit of the hair color that had been used on the clients' heads so they could take care of making "downstairs" match in the privacy of their own homes. Brilliant!
In addition to these fantastic colors, that come with a lightening creme and fat mascara-wand-looking applicator, Betty Beauty has also provided the stencils. For just $9.99, you can purchase a whole collection of fun shapes from hearts and lightening bolts to peace signs and dollar signs. I have always aspired to profess my political ideology with the hair on my vagina. Now I need only decide if my dollar sign will look better in Malibu Betty Blue or Fun Betty Pink. Decisions, decisions...Labels: beauty, rant, review, wax
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 12:38 PM
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
These Are a Few of My Favorite Things
I love summertime! I love those rare nights where I can go sweaterless in San Francisco. I love cool drinks and brown skin. I love how everyone's chaotic pace slows just a bit. Needless to say, I have been enjoying the past few weeks, and I am abuzz with the thrill of knowing that I have spent less of it than I have left to spend; there are two whole months left of this juicy season. Yum.
In the last few weeks I have found two new things that have already made my summer better, and I look forward to making use of both as I bask in my favorite time of year. They are unrelated, but both make my heart smile and my mouth jabber on about them. The first is workout skirts. These fantastic little spandex skorts allow me to feel the breeze on my legs without subjecting myself, and those around me, to the horrors of bike shorts or the gaping indiscretion that loose-legged shorts provide -- no one likes to share too much during sit-ups at the gym. For the last few years I have been wearing capri pants to the gym and rolling them up as I begin to overheat. Not exactly a Vogue moment. Workout skirts keep me cool and "cool." A friend of mine even wore hers out dancing the other night. It was a hit. I am inspired to pull a Smurfette and buy seventeen of them so I can have a closet full at the ready. I look forward to reliving my favorite trick of second grade: "Oh! You thought I was wearing a skirt? Ha! You are wrong! I sure fooled you!"
While wearing my skorts, I will be sipping my new favorite drink. Recently, I mocked a bartender and learned something very exciting as a result. He was cutting a big bunch of fresh basil, and I asked him if he had condescended to help the kitchen staff. "No," he said, "I make a drink with this." My interest was piqued, and he went on to explain, and then serve to me, a basil infused sparkling lemonade. Just like I crinkled my nose at the thought of my first cucumber water, I was a little suspicious of the tall, beautifully basil-garnished, glass he handed me. Wow! In a matter of seconds, basil became my new favorite drink additive. I have been obsessing about cool basil drinks ever since. The subtle flavor is so refreshing and surprising, and as someone who has always longed to eat basil by the bushel, I am happy to have found a new use for my favorite herb.
After talking to the bartender and sleuthing Al Gore's Fantabulous InterWeb, I concocted a version of my own. Just for fun, I have included the recipe below.
Happy Summer!
Basil Vodka Lemonade
(This is great in a pitcher or punch bowl so a large number of guests can serve themselves.)
1 part basil lemon zest simple sugar (explained below)
1 part vodka
1 part triple sec
1 part fresh lemon juice
2 bunches fresh basil
sparkling lemonade or water (to taste)
Make simple sugar:
Boil one part water and one part sugar with the zest of 2-3 lemons and a bunch of basil. Heat until sugar is fully dissolved. Allow to cool fully, and then strain out all of the solids.
Infuse the vodka:
Place half a bunch of basil in the bottom of your serving bowl or pitcher. Cover with vodka, and allow to sit for an hour or two.
Make the lemonade:
Combine the above listed ingredients in serving vessel. Add ice (for an extra kick pre-make lemonade ice so as it melts the drink's flavor is not diluted). Garnish the drink with fresh lemon slices and basil sprigs.
Enjoy!Labels: fitness, recipe, review
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 11:52 AM
Friday, January 25, 2008
I'm Picking Up Good Vibrations
Gloria Estefan had it right when she cooed, “the rhythm is gonna get’cha.” Now I don’t know that I would use her songs with my brand new OhMiBod, but she certainly captures my sentiment. OhMiBod is one of the most innovative vibrators I have ever seen. With a simple adaptor (included), it connects to any iPod, mp3 player or portable CD player and vibrates right along with, “The Rhythm of the Night” or any other song on your playlist.
The first thing that caught my eye about the OhMiBod, is its fabulous styling. In fact, I haven’t yet been able to bring myself to throw away the box because it is so darn pretty. As its name suggests, the clean, simple, design is certainly reminiscent of Apple’s iPod and makes OhMiBod seem like any other iPod accessory – any super-girly iPod accessory, that is. The sleek design has landed OhMiBod spots in hip stores such as Fred Segal in Los Angeles and Ricky’s in New York City. Its clean packaging helps to make it an ideal crossover brand.
Like the packaging, the vibrator itself is also simple and elegant in its design. It is all white and metallic, much like many an iPod. It even has an alternate endcap that turns OhMiBod into a plain ol’ vibe for those quickies that don’t require mood music. While I really appreciate the clean design, I was a little disappointed in the execution. The endcap is actually plastic coated in metallic paint rather than metal. I worry enough about my nails chipping; I don’t want to have to think about my vibrator losing paint (especially not inside of me). While I realize that this design probably makes the OhMiBod cheaper in price, it also makes it cheaper in appearance. Additionally, the smooth white plastic was not completely smooth; there is an injection molding sink mark, or dimple, at the top of my vibe that I could not clean-out completely after use. Because of this, OhMiBod may have to wear a condom next time. Safe sex for everyone!
Ok, down to the nitty-gritty. It was so much fun to play with music and vibration, that I found myself giggling a bit (not in an, “I am embarrassed, and I can’t believe I’m sticking this inside me kind of way,” but in a “Oooh, wow, that is so fun,” kind of way). As someone who dances regularly, I found using OhMiBod to be a little like dancing with a partner – a partner who didn’t miss a beat. I had fun experimenting with different types of music as the vibration frequency and quality changed with each song. I recommend songs with a strong, pulsing baseline. I also really enjoyed my blues playlist… yummy! The one frustration here was that different songs required different levels of volume in order to get the vibe humming. I also found that sometimes in order to get the level of vibration I wanted, I had to turn up the volume a bit more than is normally comfortable for my ears.
Overall, OhMiBod is a classy vibrator. Its simple design and clear instructions make it very user friendly; I was up and humming in no time. In keeping with their techie theme, OhMBod has a pretty cool integrated website. The site sells related “Acsexsories,” allows users to share comments, and even took me to the iTunes store to purchase a playlist that another user had posted.
OhMiBod is already expanding their line to include other exciting gadgets such as the OhMiBod Gspot, and a softskin pink sleeve that fits over the original OhMiBod. I am hoping those clever folks might work in some more clitoral stimulation in the not-too-distant future (please?). OhMiBod is my favorite new toy. Not only do I have fun with it personally, but I like to think of it as frontrunner in the movement of sex toys from the gutter to Fifth Avenue. It certainly does more than its fair share both in the bedroom and in the struggle to bring vibrators into the realm of social acceptability. Rock on!Labels: review, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 11:10 PM
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Zippity Doo Dah!
I am zipping right along the show floor downstairs with all the venders at AEE, when I am stopped in my tracks by a zippy little bag. My first thought is that someone is selling cute knock-off designer purses downstairs, too, but upon closer inspection, I learn I couldn’t be more wrong. Vera Worthington and her company, For Your Nymphomation, make the most fabulous, totally not knocked-off, bags to satisfy all of your sexy storage needs.
Complete with signature glow-in-the-dark zipper pullers and FAA approved locks, this line can keep all your “pleasureables” neatly stowed until ready for use. Worthington, who worked for years in the mainstream fashion industry designing purses, has a storage solution for just about everyone. Her clients run the gambit, from stay-at-home-moms who do pleasure parties on the side to BDSM divas who need a place to store a myriad of floggers. Worthington has listened to her fans and expanded her line (and her cases) to meet their needs. She’s got all your bases covered, from cute beaded condom cases and the adorable, yet functional, Dominatrix Bag to larger items like the Flogger Trunk and the suitcase-sized Rolling Toy Trunk.
Worthington’s line is fantastically functional. Each of her Toy Boxes comes fully lined with water-resistant, washable nylon. While this storage system obviously appeals to my inner sex-freak, it also appeals to my inner neat-freak. The nylon case linings are replete with elastic strips and pouches to hold toys of all kinds. Larger cases, like the Rolling Toy Trunk, have additional inserts available to maximize storage capacity and orderliness.
While her organizational skills are top notch, it is Worthington’s panache that makes For Your Nympomation so fantastic. Not that anyone would ever store her goodies in a clear, plastic storage container from Target, but…. well, let’s just say my collection was happy to move into one of Worthingtons’s stylish purple Adult Toyboxes. Her cases come in a variety of colors from plain ol’ black to leopard spots, and they are all made of high quality faux leather and fur so that even vegan vixens can feel confident in this storage solution. Worthington even offers swanky add-ons like rhinestone-studded padlocks.
Instead of being relegated to a shameful cardboard box under the bed or on the very top shelf of the closet, For Your Nymphomation has elevated “pleasurables” to the position they deserve. Finally, there is a stylish and secure storage solution for all of those goodies you may not want to share with your house-sitter, your mover, or your two year-old. For Your Nymphomation securely shields these secrets in an oh-so-sexy way.
Labels: review
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 10:17 PM
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