Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Tricks and Treats

When I was nineteen, I was at an amusement park with a boyfriend who was on the verge of ex-ness and my younger sister, in whom he had a keen interest. Tensions were high. We’d made it through the whole morning without incident, and it was time for lunch. I was vegetarian at the time and had some anxiety about what I might find to eat. I also knew that my food choices would likely separate me from my sister and this boy as they were both apt to choose something quite carnivorous. I was the third wheel, and I felt a yearning for something to fill the hole that was growing inside me. It is important to note that any tension, sexual or otherwise, had gone unvoiced; we were all just the best of friends out for a day of good times at the amusement park (while my insides were torn asunder by the thought of my main squeeze squeezing my sister).

We congregated on a concrete bench by the food court to voice our gastronomic desires. The two of them were pretty much decided on a trip to the hamburger stand together (I knew it; damn hamburgers!). I tried to maintain the appearance of calm nonchalance I had worked on developing over the last few months of bitter anguish over my dying love. Leaning back on my hands, I cocked my head to one side and casually said, “I think I’ll have some pizza.” Well, that is what I meant to say. What I actually said was, “I think I’ll have some penis.” The word practically jumped out of my mouth and danced around mocking us all. What could I do but laugh? We all laughed, and for a brief moment, the tension that had surrounded us the whole day was shattered by my inadvertent utterance of truth.

To this day, my sister (who left said boyfriend in the dust years ago) and I can break into a mean giggle at the mere mention of pizza. In fact, there is perhaps a permanently blown fuse in my brain when it comes to those two “P” words; I feel so passionate about them both. That is part of the reason I love my new culinary gadget. Babeland has embraced my passion for all things “P” and has started carrying the Penis Cupcake pan. This little beauty makes up to six piping hot penises at a time. And while I suppose I could cram a mini Chicago-style pizza into each of these shiny shafts, I think this tin might be better suited for brownies or even Jell-O shots. Mmmmmmm. Whatever you choose to put in your penises, just make sure to use ample grease (no, not K-Y Jelly). It would be a shame to have an accidental beheading or castration upon removal from the pans.

All those years ago at the amusement park, my brain (and Dr. Frued) played a trick on me, but what slipped from my mouth was a delicious treat that I still savor with amusement and (perhaps misguided) pride. What a gift the truth is. Here's to a celebration of penises -- piping hot, cream-filled penises! Just in time for Halloween! What a great opportunity to turn some tricks… into treats.

Purchase your penises at Babeland.

Labels: food, oral sex, review

tidbit posted by Mosa @ 3:48 PM

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