Me: Hi, Blog. How are you?
Blog: Ok, I guess. I feel like we haven’t talked in forever.
Me: I know. I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me.
Blog: Forgive you? You get to travel the country and celebrate your birthday and stuff, and I am not even invited. You didn’t even send me a postcard from New York.
Me: You’re right. I thought about you a lot in New York though. I kept wanting to write to you, but the timing just didn’t seem right. There was a street fair, you you know, and I went and saw an interesting show about sex called, Spring Awakening. I kept meaning to tell you about it, but ultimately, I realized that, with the exception of the incongruous musical numbers, it was pretty depressing. I knew you were feeling neglected already, and I didn’t want to depress you, too.
Blog: Ok. I guess I can appreciate that, but you should at least check in now and again. I worry sometimes. I live on the Internet, you know. There are all sorts of crazy stories on the internet. Sometimes my imagination gets the best of me.
Me: I hear you. I am sorry. Do you want me to tell you a little about where I was and what I was doing so you can feel better that I was safe?
Blog: Yeah. I guess so. You know, I don’t get out much.
Me: Sure. I understand. Well, The Mister and I had to go to his hometown for his baby sister’s wedding. She’s twenty-one.
Blog: Ouch! Isn’t that a bit young to get married?
Me: We thought so, but she was saving her virginity for her future husband, and she couldn’t wait any longer.
Blog: Holy crap! People still do that? See, that is the kind of zany stuff I read about on the Internet. It keeps me up at night, but I had convinced myself it was a myth. Like yetis.
Me: Sorry to burst your bubble. I know the real world can be scary.
Blog: You’re tellin’ me, Sister!
Me: Anyway, we knew we would be depressed if we just visited The Mister’s family, so we planned some non-Christian fun as well. We started off in New Hampshire where we visited our friends Brian and Suki, you know, the OhMiBod people.
Blog: Oh right! They seemed so cool when you told me about them.
Me: They are super cool, and we enjoyed visiting with them and picking apples in the picturesque New Hampshire fall. It was idyllic.
Blog: See? Why did you leave me out of this?
Me: You are right, I should have been in communication. I was just having so much fun.
Blog: That must be nice for you. Never mind that I was left alone to surf porn for hours. Days. Weeks.
Me: I hope you took notes. Maybe you can fill me in later. Anyway, after our visit with Brian and Suki, we drove up to The Mister’s family in upstate New York. Really, I can’t get over the whole fall colors thing. It’s not like I’d never seen them before. It’s just that they are new and beautiful every time. They make life so crispy and vivid. Sorry I only took mental images.
Blog: Yeah. See if I share any porn adventure pictures with you!
Me: Ok, ok, calm down. I will work on taking more pictures to share with you. I promise. The highlight of our Upstate New York visit was getting to meet The Mister’s friend from high school. They were reunited by the miracle that is Facebook a little while ago after not being in touch for over fourteen years. It was pretty cool to watch them catch up and to hear stories of my hubby’s youthful shenanigans.
The wedding itself was pretty uneventful. I guess I should be happy that I didn’t have to go to the rehearsal dinner and that I wasn’t asked to wear a peach bridesmaid dress, but I admit I was a little hurt. Weird, right?
Blog: Wait. Did you say peach bridesmaid dress? I thought they stopped making those circa 1989.
Me: Yeah. Me, too. To be fair, now it’s called “spice.”
Blog: You’re feeling bad that you didn’t get to wear one because…..????
Me: I know it’s silly. I have never been a bridesmaid, and we flew so far. Ok. Whatever. I will stop with the whiny girl antics now. I am over it. I just had to tell you about the spice. It was the spiciest part of the visit.
After the wedding, we drove down to NYC. I love that place. I lived there for six
months about eleven years ago. It is amazing to me how much I remember and how
familiar it is to me. I think it is one of my favorite places in this country.
Blog: Don’t rub it in. I am stuck here, remember? What do you want me to do, Wiki it?
Me: Hey, chill out! I am telling you about it so you can share the experience.
Blog: [deep breath]
Me: Thank you. I told you, we went to see Spring Awakening. It was alright. I always enjoy going to see a live show. The kids in it were really talented. I just wasn’t connected to it emotionally. It was depressing, but I was unmoved. Simulated stage sex, though. That’s always fun. To be honest, I think I was a simulated stage sex virgin. I can’t remember having seen that before. I gotta get out and see more performance art.
Blog: So far your experience in NYC is sounding like what I do all day by myself on the Internet.
Me: That’s simulated?
Blog: Errr, well. Sometimes. Depends on whether I mess with the parental controls.
Me: Anyway, we went to another show called Desir. It was much cooler than I expected. There were many talented aerial dancers, and it was a treat to see them work up close in a very intimate setting. There was also a cat, a high-wire-walking cat. It seemed kinda random, but I am not one to complain about felines, even when they don’t integrate with the rest of what’s going on.
Oh, we also went to the exhibit, Bodies. It is made up of real human bodies. The Mister and I were both fascinated by seeing all of the systems of the body. It was pretty darn amazing. I am happy to have a body.
Blog: There you go, rubbing it in again.
Me: Sorry. I forgot my audience. Oh, you know who else we saw? Jamye Waxman.
Blog: Jamye Waxman? She’s so cool! I link to her, you know.
Me: Yeah. I know. She was really inspiring. You’ll be happy to know that she encouraged me to write to you more often.
Blog: I knew that chick was smart.
Me: Super smart, and super nice. I am glad to know her. So I have been back for about a week now. I got wrapped up in celebrating my birthday.
Blog: Birthday? Do I get a birthday?
Me: You do, actually. In a few months. Sharing cake with you through the computer doesn't seem to work so well. We’ll have to find some other way to celebrate.
Blog: I’d like that.
Me: My birthday was wonderfully fun. I shopped and sewed and danced with some of my favorite people. I will try and share some pictures with you within the next week or so.
Blog: Finally, I am getting in on the action!
Me: My dear, Blog, I did miss you. I will try to keep you posted in the future.
Blog: Thanks. I appreciate it. I am glad we had this little chat.
Me: Me, too. I will talk to you soon. Thanks for listening.
Blog: That’s why I’m here. And don’t you forget it!
