A guy friend of mine just started a blog all about cunnilingus. His goal is to help other guys not suck so much... or maybe "suck" more? Bad. I know. I am sorry. It's late. Anyway, he asked me to share whatever insight I might have on the subject. I agreed because, second only to being able to preform oral sex on one's self, is having an educated partner to do the performing. I don't know that what I have to say on the matter is that earth-shattering or mind-blowing (heh...), but I figured I would share it here, in the name of education.
I have not always been a fan of receiving oral sex, believe it or not. I am pretty sure it was my own mental shit, but it took me a long time to feel comfortable with it, let alone let loose and climax.
Here are some things I have learned from experience over the years:
1. Listen. When going down on a woman listen both to her voice and her body. She's giving you a ton of clues.
2. Don't force it. This goes along with the listening thing, but some of the most uncomfortable sexual situations I have been in are when I am giving strong signals with my body and even explicit ones with my voice that are not being heeded. If a woman is pulling you up by your hair or telling you to stop, STOP!! If I don't feel like you are listening to me while I am exposing the most vulnerable part of my body to your face and teeth, there is no way I can trust you. If I can't trust you, there is no way I can enjoy myself. It is also not likely I will let you go down there again in the future. I need to trust the person whose face is between my thighs.
3. Suck. I think some guys are afraid to suck. Literally. They want to treat the vagina like a delicate flower, and I can appreciate taking it slow and being gentle, but having my clit sucked can be great fun and highly stimulating.
4. Avoid the "pussy dive." It is my experience that guys can get into a blow job or other penile stimulation instantaneously. This does not apply to most women I know. It takes time. If a man dives straight for my crotch, I am left wanting to defend myself, not wanting to spread my legs and let him lick me. Take your time. Teasing is highly underrated.
5. Clit-o-vision. Because of what they've read and heard, some guys go straight for the clitoris and don't let up. There are at least two problems with this. First, the clitoris is an extremely sensitive part of a woman's body. Prolonged manipulation (especially before full arousal) can be annoying if not downright painful. The second problem is that sometimes penetration is mighty nice, too. Don't lose the forest for the clit tree. A finger or two inserted in the vagina whilst licking/sucking/nuzzling still counts as oral sex. Oral sex isn't about saying, "Look, Ma! No hands!" Give her a hand, or at least a few digits.
6. Communicate. I know, this sounds lame-ass and like a no brainer, but so many people forget to do it. Most folks I've had sex with aren't psychic. It should not be seen as a failure to ask questions. Because it is a vulnerable position, it is better to ask specific questions rather than general ones. For example, avoid questions like, "What do you like?" Instead try something like, "Would you like more pressure?" or "Would you like me to move more slowly?" Keep the questions simple and yes or no.
7. Enjoy it. I still remember a guy who dipped down from our kissing for one second to plant a weak lick on my pubic bone. It was clear he wasn't into the whole cunnilingus thing, and doing a half-assed courtesy lick didn't benefit either of us. If you are not into it, be with that. Don't fake it. I would like to think that females can tell.
8. You don't know it all. No matter how much we may look or sound or feel alike, women are different. Each woman has her own likes/dislikes. There is no one formula. The best "formula" is to be responsive in the moment. Just because it worked on some chick last week, doesn't mean this week's chick will dig it. You may know a lot. You may have a lot of experience, but you should never presume that you know more about a woman's body than she does. Even if you do ("clito-what?"), never force her into something because you "know what's best." Ask permission. Explain things. Work together; you're on the same team.
As I look over these thoughts, I am sure I am leaving out lots of stuff. I guess I will have to go read The Oral Oh! to fill in the blanks. Keep 'em coming, Mr. Oh!
