Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Buzz Kill
I love vibrators. I love the continual, rolling orgasms they produce. I love the pretty colors and bright packaging. I love the novelty of the industry and how new people and new products are constantly making it over for the better. I love the taboo, and I love the empowerment. I own vibrators, have given them as gifts and recommended my favorites to friends and strangers, but I am going to take a break.
I am going to take a break not out of some sort of masochistic withholding self-torture, but precisely because I want to experience more pleasure, more fully.
A few weeks ago, I took a class part of which focused on increasing sexual pleasure. I was told that the intense vibrations of vibrators could diminish clitoral sensitivity. Upon further research I learned that Steve and Vera Bodansky supported this theory in their book, Extended Massive Orgasm. While I wanted to scoff at this notion and continue my fun with Mr. Rabbit and other phthalate-free favorites, I was forced to concede that there might be some validity to this claim.
Back in the summer of ’06, my own personal summer of love, I, unwittingly, gathered evidence to prove this very point. My husband was traveling a good deal, and I decided, in his absence, to work on getting comfortable with my expanding sex toy collection.
As a child, I had masturbated regularly. I was very secretive about it. I even had code names and special locations and all sorts of stuff. I was an undercover masturbating super spy. As a young adult I swore off masturbation in favor of “hysteria” and serial monogamous encounters at not so regular intervals. Needless to say, I had been a little unfulfilled.
By 2006, three years into my marriage, I was still uncomfortable with masturbation generally and vibrators specifically, but I decided it was time to get over it. I went on a two-week long sexploration of myself. Wow. Such a highflying adventure was long overdue, and I reaped the benefits. I basked in the freedom of trying new things and exploring different motor speeds. I learned more about my genitalia that summer than I think I had since I first discovered it.
I giddily shared my electronic exploits with my traveling husband via all electronic media available: Skype, email, my (holy crap how much does it cost per minute?) phone. I think it was fun for both of us, and I eagerly anticipated his return so I could share my newfound obsession with him.
His homecoming was not as happy as I had imagined. After gleefully showing him some of what I had described to him in his absence, I was excited to have sex with a human again, specifically my husband.
While I had not embraced masturbation previously, I had been quite easily and readily satisfied by intercourse. I was looking forward to that satisfaction that I had had at the ready all my sexual life; it was painfully slow in coming (so to speak). Suddenly my body felt rather foreign. The easy wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am on which I had come to rely was out of my grasp. I am not saying I didn’t enjoy the ride, but suddenly the process of getting off, was much longer than it had ever been. I began to fear that the pink bunny had ruined me forever. Out damn pearl encrusted oscillating shaft, out!
It took a while, but ultimately I got my mojo back. Yeah, baby. At the time, I made a connection between the increase in my vibrating, plastic orgasms and the decrease in those more “manmade,” but, as sensation began to return to normal, I began to forget that I’d ever seen such a connection.
When I heard it proposed as a theory in my class, memories of 2006 came flooding back to me. Duh! Of course so much vibration can decrease sensitivity. Of course touching your body with a machine rather than actual flesh of some kind can diminish intimacy. I get it.
All of that said, there is no way in hell I am getting rid of my vibrators. The thing about vibrators is they are more that just merchandised orgasms. The fact that someone is making them – lots of someones are making them – means that someone – lots of someones – are frequently thinking about vaginas and how to make them happy. I am glad about that. I am glad that I am seeing “personal massagers” at Target and Walgreen’s. I am thrilled that Fred Segal is selling the OhMiBod.
The vibrator's rise in popularity represents an increased focus on sex as a positive, life-affirming activity. My love of vibrators is more than just physical pleasure; it is a political and social statement. I love sex, but I would choose my husband over a vibrator any day. I want to do everything in my power to make my sex life as fantastic as possible. This means I will practice as often as possible. I will take classes and read books and work on increasing the sensitivity of my clitoris. It also means that, every once in a while, when the mood strikes me, I might get a little buzzed.
Labels: rant, toys
tidbit posted by Mosa @ 12:03 PM
